Evil Walks: Prologue: Sad But True

Evil Walks
Prologue: Sad But True

"I'm your dream, make you real
I'm your eyes when you must steal
I'm your pain when you can't feel
Sad but true
I'm your truth, telling lies
I'm your reason, alibis
I'm inside, open your eyes
I'm you"
-- "Sad But True" by Metallica

April 2008

I've been thinking a lot about death lately. Ugh, that makes me sound like an angst-ridden, whiny teenager. I don't mean in an emo "my life is a dark pit and nobody understands me" bullshit kind of way. I just mean that death is inevitable, and someday very soon I'm going to die. 

When I was a little kid, a demon made my brother and me a promise. One day before we're both adults the Devil will come for our souls. This isn't some fucking metaphor; it's a basic fact. My kid brother and I are damned, and that demon's gonna kill us. End of fucking story. 

Damn, I sound like a cowardly little bitch when I say it like that. There's just no escape when Satan's claimed your fucking soul, so what the hell am I to do? I'm gonna live my life while I can, and then bam! Down in flames. 

OK, yeah, I admit it. It's fucking depressing. "Sad but true," to quote Metallica. But every time I close my eyes, all I see is that demon laughing at me with those damn black eyes... It's all I can think about, when I'm sober, I mean, which is a bloody good reason not to be sober most of the fucking time. 

I don't want to die. I don't want to go to Hell. I don't want my brother to burn either. I wish I could fucking fight this. At least then I'd die with some dignity. 

Sometimes when Johnny gets drunk he says that the angels are gonna save us, but honestly, I don't believe the angels give a shit. And if there really is a God in Heaven, I'm not convinced He cares either. Where the hell have the angels been all the times the demon's come and taunted me? Where were the angels the time I almost OD'd? Where the fuck were the angels when Mom died? Not fucking saving us, that's for sure!

I'm seventeen now. Almost an adult. Time's running out. 

So yeah, I've been thinking a lot about death lately. I'm gonna die, and that's just... That's it. That all, folks. Do not pass go. Do not collect two hundred dollars. It's almost enough to just make me give up. Almost. I've still got a couple of things left to hold on to. 

Want to help me fuck the pain away?